Thursday, January 29, 2009

Every have a day where you feel you are spinning your wheels?

TANTRUM ALERT!!! So my kids are counting down the minutes until I leave so the coast will be safe-I definately am not the most pleasant person right now. Every have one of those days? This feeling of spinning my wheels is just getting to me lately. Seems like every area of my life I work hard and put in extra time so that I can get ahead of it all. Guess that might be one of those really big myths of life that you can get ahead of life and then just be prepaired.

So my oldest daughter has learned to cook and bakes cookies every day. I am very proud of her and that is GREAT and she enjoys it, but....every day I go to the kitchen and the kitchen I worked so hard to clean out the cabinets and get all the things everyone else just throws around in any nook or cranny they can find back to its home because I just feel so out of control in my life some days and I just want to be able to walk out there and feel like things are handled. I have this theory that if I can keep the kitchen just somewhat straightened out it will help me so I can move onto the next thing. Anyway, so every day I go out and scrape the dirt off the floor and clean the same things that came out of the dishwasher and no one knew what to do with so they threw them back into dirty water.

I go and try to get a handle on the durn laundry which wants to take over the house and I SWEAR I keep washing the same things over and over-one shirt I KNOW has been washed every day for a week. I have threatened death to the people that keep throwing things back for me to do over and threatened to cut off kitchen priveledges, but between my hubby who is just horrible at doing those things and the kids. I tried to make everyone do their own laundry thinking they would take it seriously but the washer got so overloaded that it was ruined within a month so we had to get a new one. I think it is the hubby that can not understand if you fill the washer to the point you have to hold the clothes back with your foot to close the door-it is just too full and will wreck the washer.

There is the ever present carpet of dog hair. Every few days I brush the dogs and take a long time so that I can get ALL the hair, I get on hands and knees and scrape the hair off the floor, and then I go and get my yoga mat for some relaxing exercise and as I do my first down dog the dog hair coats my hands and nose and how does this happen? Then my agility training.......just seems like maybe it is hard for me to see where we have come but seems like a lot of what we are training is what I was working on last year at this time. Guess it doesnt help that there is a new dog here so she is starting from scratch and the hardest things with her are just the things like coming to my side, that one is so hard for her but would be so nice so she doesnt trip me and so we could learn so many other things. Anyway, I am just so frustrated lately my friends have sort of been in a state of transition so I just feel so alone in my war against the chaos. There are days I can just sit back and be happy I have this chaos to deal with because it is what comes with having these cool dogs, this great family and a roof over my head but on days like today that is hard to remember.

Sooooo I am so glad today is my day I go and take my classes. I have not had a private lesson since around the end of November, maybe there was one in December? I get to go and do something that doesnt matter in the scheme of the world, no one will live or die by how I do. My dogs are always in the moment and always act like I am the funnest person in the world, well, except for Lizzie who feels Alicia my trainer is the most fun person, but I am a very close second. I might actually have a chance of catching a rear cross-and if I do no one can take it from me or even if I have to do it over it will be etched in my muscle memory. And best of all I do not have to think about anything else, I just get to live in the moment. Guess that is the greatest thing I get from my dogs, lots of time I just get to sit and be in the moment. Doing that with them helps me to try to do that more with my family that can sometimes make that challenging, LOL.

1 comment:

Diana said...

I can so relate to this post. I think thats why I like agility so much. For that training time I dont have to think about anything that is worrying me. My brain gets a vacation. Have a nice brain vacation day. Diana